Ugh, the Academy Awards are on tonight… prepare yourself to be bored out of your fucking mind, that is, if you have the gall to even watch that crap. That’s right, apparently you’re a racist now if you choose to support the Oscars, and I’m glad that the girl from Woo and the guy who directed […]
Read more "Why Would I Watch This Crap? – The Academy Awards"Deadpool is the Harry Connick Jr. of super-hero comic book characters. That’s right, I said it. Here’s the truth about the super-hero comics that everyone is afraid to discuss: that shit is old fashioned. The time when mainstream super-hero comic books were new and interesting was in the 50s and 60s, dude! In the 1900s! Marvel […]
Read more "Why Would I Watch This Crap? – Deadpool"I know what you’re thinking, “Cool, let’s all pile on Michael Bay! That asshole makes the shittiest movies!” But hold up–before you start to think we’re all friends here in Bay-hate, I think you’ve come to the wrong place. The reason I don’t want to watch this 13 Hours crap is because it’s too pedestrian […]
Read more "Why Would I Watch This Crap? – 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi"Was there anything worse back when you were a kid than when you pulled out the thick, fold-out comic strip section of the weekend newspaper and saw Peanuts staring at you on the front page? What a downer. No one liked Peanuts. It was that comic strip your parents told you was good and you […]
Read more "Why Would I Watch This Crap? – The Peanuts Movie"I haven’t even watched the trailer for Burnt, and I honestly don’t even know what this movie is really about, but this poster tells me all I need to know about why I’ll never watch this crap. First of all, you’ve got the face of ‘oooh’ Mr. Handsome – Bradley Cooper – dead in the center of […]
Read more "Why Would I Watch This Crap? – Burnt"Are witches really a thing? Call me crazy but when I hear “witches” the first thought that comes to mind is the Wizard of Oz or Cinderella. That’s right, girls stuff. Not to sound too un-PC, but that’s not cool (no offense, of course). I mean, at least it shouldn’t be cool for man’s man Vin […]
Read more "Why Would I Watch This Crap? – The Last Witch Hunter"No way I’m getting suckered into this one. You’ve gotta be nervous when the ad campaign visually tries to sell a movie like some kind of jump-scare, creature effects-filled, gore-style Halloween horror movie, and yet all the interviews and text about the movie they have to constantly preface you that this is NOT horror but a […]
Read more "Why Would I Watch This Crap? – Crimson Peak"How could anyone have anything negative to say about this documentary on the teenage activist who survived being shot in the head by the Taliban? I mean, everyone MUST like this movie, right? Well, that’s my problem. I want to hate a movie. Or at least I want to go into a movie with the […]
Read more "Why Would I Watch This Crap? – He Named Me Malala"At Dr. Loser we like to review the piece of crap movies that we’re never going to watch! Sometimes you just know a movie is going to suck. What ingredients make for a shitty movie? That’s a tough one to answer. That’s why so many people end up watching terrible movies and feeling bad about […]
Read more "Why Would I Watch This Crap? – The Martian"At Dr. Loser we like to review the piece of crap movies that we’re never going to watch! Sometimes you just know a movie is going to suck. What ingredients make for a shitty movie? If that that was easy to answer then so many people wouldn’t end up watching terrible movies and feeling bad about […]
Read more "Why Would I Watch This Crap? – Straight Outta Compton"Last week there was a new Star Wars teaser trailer, then there was a teaser for the trailer of the new Terminator movie, and now there is a big announcement just for the title of the next James Bond movie. What are we talking about here? These aren’t movies, they’re magic tricks. Hey, look over […]
Read more "The New James Bond Movie has a Title… Whoopee!"Let’s hear it for 2013! The year my PhD thesis officially failed, when I learned there were even lower levels of misery to which one can sink, and discovered that hyperbolic sarcastic exaggeration is so obviously the lamest thing you can EVER do! On the flip side, 2013 was a hell of a year for […]
Read more "A Very Late “Best of 2013” List, or, All the Things I was Doing Last Year Instead of Working on that Damn PhD!"There was a point a few months ago where I swore that I’d watch so much TV in in one sitting that my eyes would bleed. There is no doubt in my mind that this is possible, as I’m sure most binge-watchers can testify that when you sit in front of a screen for days just […]
Read more "The Ecstasy of Me – Breaking Down My Personal Film Festival"