Protracted De-Media™ is proud to present the official 100th Dr. Loser blog post.
We are also proud to say that in the past couple of months, since purchasing this blog from that real loser who started this website, we have been able to publish at least 3 new posts a week and have developed award-winning new features such as This or That and Why Would I Watch This Crap?
So in celebration of 100 posts we’re going to keep it 100, in the typical Dr. Loser style, and present to you now 100 things that are REAL to the Dr. Loser universe.
- Everything sucks.
- Most people are annoying.
- Working is the worst.
- Drink a lot of coffee.
- Sleep as much as possible.
- Eating cheese before going to sleep does not give you nightmares.
- Dream big… if you’re an idiot.
- Play the lottery.
- Don’t bother.
- These are dark days.
- Daylight savings time is a fascist control mechanism.
- Salad dressing is a scam.
- Green is the colour of the gullible.
- You’re poor if you have a carpet.
- All cars are ugly box looking things.
- If sports fought arts, sports would win.
- Concrete tastes like clouds would taste if they tasted like concrete.
- All my thoughts seem so brilliant when they’re in my head but then look so stupid when I write them down.
- It’s about time we put an end to this nonsense called “school”.
- “How can a teacher reach ya? They’re too busy in the halls tryin’a fuck the other teachers.” – Bushwick Bill
- At this point there is no way I feel like I can write 100 of these lines.
- No person should ever aspire to become a writer.
- When someone knocks on the door, don’t answer.
- If a stranger tries to talk to you on the street they probably want money.
- I’m the only white guy on the bus.
- The lightbulbs in my bathroom burn out too quickly.
- Everything needs to be fixed.
- The government will not help you.
- If you get hit by lighting, you’re lucky.
- “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-Beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.”
- Movies are artistic, but not art.
- Pop music today is a joke.
- 98% of all comedians are hacks.
- Live in a garage if you’re so fucking miserable at home.
- God hates us all.
- Angry Birds can go to hell.
- Binge-watching is for posers.
- I wish everyone would just shut up.
- It would be cool to be alive when the world ends.
- Even I would have quit reading this by now.
- Maybe it’s time to make a change.
- Never listen to that voice in that back of your head trying to tell you what to do.
- It’s never too late to reinvent yourself.
- Stare into that mirror, stare hard.
- “Talk hard.” – Happy Harry Hardon
- Oh, I give up.
- “Never Give Up” – John Cena
- Professional wrestling is poetry.
- “I only have one word to say, and that word is two words: thumbs up!” – ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage at a personal appearance in a Zellers.
- Kurt Angle.
- Owen Hart is still alive… in our hearts.
- Goldust is a name we will never forget.
- Foley is good.
- Vince McMahon should be worshipped as a god.
- Howard Stern is the King of all Media.
- James Brown was an undisputed, irreplaceable musical genius.
- If one of these guys is in a movie – Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, or Donnie Yen – watch it.
- “…never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body.” – Coach from Teen Wolf.
- Speed Racer is a surprisingly awesome movie.
- Ninja Assassin is, not-surprisingly, an awesome movie.
- Rain, in general, as a singer, dancer, actor, or fighter, is awesome.
- 2NE1 is “the best.”
66. Girls who work at coffee shops are somehow always good looking.
67. Every dude I see working at a coffee shop seems like a douche, but they’re probably not.
68. There is nothing funnier than watching someone fall.
69. Never try to act cool on ice skates.
70. 808s and Heartbreak is the best winter album of all time.
71. License to Ill is the best summer album of all time.
72. Writing for 12 straight hours online does not count for a Guinness World Record.
73. Seinfeld will never get old.
74. “I heard munching box is what killed Michael Douglas.” – Chanel No. 3
75. Every basketball fan should read Bill Simmon’s The Book of Basketball at least twice.
76. Jeans way over there / I wrote this tweet / in my underwear. – Dr. Loser, Twitter Poem
78. The Abe Kanan Show is the future of radio.
79. Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz is a truly fantastic album.
80. The movie Elvira: Mistress of the Dark was based on her breasts.
81. Spartacus is the most badass program that will ever be made for television.
82. Tom Brady is the GOAT.
83. Apocalypse Now.
84. Thank you David Lynch.
85. I cried at one point when reading Coin Locker Babies.
86. I often cry when the winner of the season is revealed on Survivor.
87. Dawson’s Creek could make me cry just by being a happy show sometimes.
88. You can’t go wrong when you put a chimp in a movie.
89. GWAR can’t die, apparently, thank god.
90. I desperately miss Aaliyah and Left Eye.
91. “I know when that hotline bling, it can only mean one thing.” – Drake
92. We actually still need more comic book adaptation super hero movies.
93. Life is love, that’s right, I said it.
94. Spend time with your friends.
95. Get married.
96. Have kids.
97. Start a blog.
98. Watch the sun rise over the ocean.
99. I can’t wait to write #101.
100. Now get back in your box.