With Week 6 of the 2015-16 NFL season officially over, it’s time to wonder what’s real, what’s fantasy and scratch our heads over the truly bizarre nature of the loser-verse.
Let’s start with the most obvious losers of the week: Star Wars Fans
If you are a long-abused Star Wars fan then you are used to having you childhood nostalgia taken advantage for at least a good 20 years now. You’ve been subjected to a gradual increase of products and projects that provide consistently diminishing returns on your fandom investment.
With the JJ Abrams-branded Star Wars – The Force Awakens coming in December, you are now being sold teasers to trailers that are just montages of character snippets and imagery meant to elicit another wallet loosening emotional response from you. This week’s Monday Night Football “game” between the lame Philadelphia Eagles and bad New York Giants promised such a trailer at the halftime break, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with football. Of course, the NFL is just hoping your Pavlovian tune-in will spill over into ads for floor cleaners and fried chicken, and Lucasfilm and Disney have no problem putting you in this position.
Of course, they could just release a new Star Wars movie without any of these non-sequitur trailers and they’d sell the same amount of tickets, guaranteed. But no, they want to bend you over and capitalise on your loyalty for more ad revenue. Was it a surprise that the final two minutes of the first half dragged on and on, while these Star Wars fans were watching live and waiting for this trailer? Not if you are the NFL and think you can squeeze in a few extra commercial breaks before we all got to see this:
Okay, maybe you’re pumped up by that. If so, then congrats, you’ve been sold. And I don’t mean on the quality of a movie but on a product. This trailer, like so many out there now, does not attempt to lure you in based on an interesting story or something unique. Nope. They’ve just done the bare minimum necessary to get you to watch more commercials by tricking you into thinking you’ve just seen something. Someone cashed in off of you and all you’ve got to show for it is a string of random scenes of stuff that you could never possibly summarise or describe in a satisfying manner (and I’m pretty sure looked almost identical to the last teaser or trailer or whatever!).
So guess what Star Wars fans? You got sucked in again and for that you’re losers!
Speaking of losers, how about all those People Who Bet On Football!
Like they really need me to call them losers. There is no way sports bettors think they’re actually winning money in the long term, do they? The same way governments get rich off of the foolish people who play the lottery, Las Vegas is filthy off of all the buffoons losing money on football bets.
This week in particular you losers really got caught up when the Indianapolis Colts covered the ‘Vegas‘ spread on America’s hottest bet in years: the New England Patriots by +9.5. But just how that happened exactly has got to be a bit suspicious. I mean, are we all naive enough to think that the legal criminals in Las Vegas (who somehow have a loophole in the American national ban on gambling that I don’t think anyone can explain) wouldn’t manipulate the outcome of the score in order to make more money than usual?
Hundreds of millions, if not billions, of dollars were bet on the Patriots to win the marquee Sunday night match-up by 8~10 points. Meaning if they don’t win by that much, but still win the game (which is all the matters to the team officially) then those casinos get even richer. So I happened to think it was strange when the Patriots decided to play it safe in the last 4 minutes of the game and just sit on the ball with a 13 point lead knowing that the Colts were going to get the ball back with enough time to shave down that lead to fall under the point spread.
We’d been led to believe, and for good reason, that the Patriots were going to run up the score on the Colts because this was the team that attempted to blow the whistle on them for deflating balls (in what eventually turned out to just be the Colts being sore losers). Of course, that revenge mission was never explicitly stated by the always professional Patriots. However, it is weird that they didn’t even try to hold onto the ball for the rest of the game by squeezing out a few more 1st downs and end the game in possession of the ball and a 9.5+ lead. And then once the Colts did get the ball back, all of a sudden they can score at will, basically scored a touchdown in less than 2 minutes.
Did the Patriots give them the ball back? Did they lay off on defence knowing they’d still win the game even if the Colts scored, while simultaneously letting the Colts cover the spread? Hmmm…
People laugh at pro-wrestling for being fake, but that’s just dramatic storytelling pretending to be a sport. What if a ‘real’ sport like football was actually just predetermined in order to make millions by manipulating sports gambling? Is that crazy? We’ve seen it happen recently with the stock markets and housing markets in the US by the rich billionaires with all the money. What about Ponzi schemes? Slavery! America is founded on the wealthy tricking the poor and disempowered out of their money, isn’t it?
And the irony is, all this shady business occurred during a game that spotlighted a witch hunt by the NFL to protect the integrity of the game because maybe some balls were deflated in what would amount to (if true) some nearly ineffectual gamesmanship. And yet the NFL does nothing to stop the rampant sports betting industry that has the game in a death-lock, and is even more institutionalised these days by fantasy football and daily draft auctions and fan duelling. I wasn’t willing to buy the Deflate-gate conspiracy but this one very well could really be real!
So yeah… gamblers, thanks a lot! You lost… unless you won, and if you did then prepare to lose again. While those of us who truly care about the integrity of the game may be the true losers in the end.