At Dr. Loser we’re dedicated to watching all the cool TV shows this new fall season, while those of you who think you have “better things to do” can feel free to come here the next day and keep yourselves updated with what’s really important.

This week’s we’re looking at the season premiere of The Walking Dead!

Why You Should Watch The Walking Dead: Oh god. I’m pretty certain you should absolutely NOT watch The Walking Dead. I know I quit watching it halfway through last season, and that was after holding on WAY too long for something… anything… new to happen.

You’d think a show that is this popular and has been on the air this long would make some kind of progress eventually? Well, not if all you do every season is show one bunch of characters doing something, then the next week show what other characters were doing at the same time, and repeat ad nauseam.

What The Walking Dead is all about: The best way to describe this show is that this is what it would be like if a bunch of campers sat around and talked about their feelings. Sometimes they shoot guns at “walkers” – the living undead who stumble around like car crash victims or miraculously pop out from behind corners with lightning quick speed and bite people. But that only happens a couple of times each season, mostly it’s just the talking, and the crying, and the hugging. Lots of hugging.

What happened this week that you need to know about: A truly tired flashback format where you see the ‘group’ executing some unexplained (and as it turns out completely boring) plan to herd hundreds of zombies down a road, which is inter-spliced with these scenes from like maybe one day ago (shown for some reason in black & white) about all the melodramatic conversations that were required to set this seemingly simple plan in motion.

Tons of people have tender interactions and emotional revelations while soft piano music drops into the background to let us know, in case we couldn’t figure it out, that this is a serious moment.

More zombies were either stabbed in the underchin with some kind of dagger or spike, and some more were shot in the face, which at this point has got to be completely recycled CGI or latex rubber face flaps since I don’t think you can tell these generic kills apart anymore.

Of course, there was plan that goes wrong, main character Rick lecturing people on how “this is what we need to do to survive” and the always amazing new place that looks safe where the gang can finally relax but there is something sinister hidden underneath. Ugh.

I hate my job. Here at the Protracted De-Media offices, where I have to write these stupid recaps all day, it’s just a monotonous grind. I’m surrounded but boring stupid people at the other cubicles who just stumble into work and let their hands slap down the keyboards like dolphin flippers as they write out the most inane content. I can’t have a conversation with these people, they’re all morons, drinking coffee until their eyes are bulged out and beat red, staring at their phone screens every minute in a drooling trance. They’re like fucking zomb…

Oh shit… now I get it. We’re the “walking dead”… it’s not the zombies, it’s us! How did I not see that before? Does everyone know this? I’ve got to tell people. It’s brilliant.

[Cue soft piano music] No, but wait… I can’t just tell people, that’s not the – right – thing – to – do. I need to think about this some more. Let me just sit here for a moment [ding] and think [ping].