NFL Week 5 – The Loser Review

With Week 5 of the 2015-16 NFL season officially over, it’s time to lock eyes with all the big losers of the week and see who flinches first!

Let’s start with the most obvious: Major League Baseball

About 25 years ago baseball was truly America’s past time. TV ratings were huge, ballpark attendance was crazy, and all anyone seemed to care about was baseball. Then the Toronto Blue Jays won the World Series. Twice. Ratings plummeted. America’s sport had been occupied by Canadians (not the players though, just the place and the fans). One season later, en route to the odds-on favourite Montreal Expos making it to the World Series this time, there was a strike and MLB took decades to recover from this 3-4 year swing of American apathy and spite.

Slipping into that top spot was the NFL. They rode the back of some truly great players, a remarkable string of exciting Superbowl games (yeah, because only pro-wrestling is pre-determined), and the institutionalised gambling of Fantasy Football, to dominate the psyche and ratings of a nation.

This past week we were all reminded once again just how powerful the NFL has become as the first round of the MLB playoffs started up and were just dwarfed on Thursday by a consequence-free NFL prime-time match up between the Texans and the Colts.

Making matters worse, is the presence after more than 20 years of those Toronto Blue Jays in the playoffs again. MLB executives must be praying to the Zeus, Odin and Beelzebub  that those Jays lose. But hey… MLB, here’s hoping the Blue Jays win it all… you losers!

Two Canadian trophies / empty stands

Now, how about Odell Beckham Jr.

The superstar running back from the NY Giants scored a touchdown and then proceeded to do this endzone dance:


Except, while pulling off those awesome moves he also pulled a hamstring. Uh… loser!

But can there be a bigger loser this week than Greg Hardy?

Well, if you consider coming back from a suspension after being convicted of beating your girlfriend and throwing her onto a futon full of guns to a big money contract on America’s team the Dallas Cowboys being a loser. As he said, “I’m coming back guns blazing!”

Only wildman Terry Bradshaw seemed to make any sense of this issue:

Wait… did he just call for a league of only gay men at the end there??

Oh Baltimore, we’ve all watched The Wire so it’s tough to want to call you losers considering how bad it seems like you’re got it there.

However, you did basically steal the Cleveland Browns franchise back in 1996, won two Superbowls and dominated the new sad-sack expansion team Browns since they came into the league 1999.

So here at Dr. Loser we’re always happy to celebrate any victory for perennial Cleveland losers the Browns, but especially you! Hey Baltimore Ravens… you’re losers!

How about the 2014 league MVP Aaron Rodgers?

He can’t be a loser, right? Especially after leading his team to a hot 5-0 start?


On Sunday everyone was citing his incredible streak of not being intercepted while playing at home that stretched all the way back to 2012. Kiss of death – because he was then intercepted twice at home this week. So there goes that stat.

The hours of NFL pre-show content seem to grow exponentially each week, and all these “experts” they trot out seemingly have to keep touting these trumped up pointless records to prop up the guys like Peyton Manning and Rodgers who they keep telling us over and over are the best quarterbacks in the league. This is despite the fact that Trent Dilfer and Joe Flacco have won just as many Superbowls, and Eli Manning has the same rings as both Peyton and Aaron combined. That’s right, ELI Manning.

Hopefully someone in the Packers organisation can make a trophy for ‘Best Really Long No Interception Streak at Home’ because Rodgers is going to have a lot of space on that empty mantle for years to come. Since, Aaron Rodgers, you’re a loser!

"You'll never be me!"
“You’ll never be me!”

Speaking of Brady, the man has now officially completed the 4 games he was supposed to be suspended for due to the completely false allegations of deflating footballs. You know, that “criminal activity” that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell compared to taking performance enhancing drugs in his 4-page written denial of the appeal for that suspension based on the $4 million investigation he paid for to justify the fake stories his office leaked to broadcast partner ESPN. Great comparison Goodell, so now in those four games, with football air pressure we can only assume are under the most scrutiny in the history of physics, Brady has had the best stats in his already GOAT career for the first four games of a season.

Tom Brady you’re a… a…

Damn it, once again you’re just a winner!

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