Why Would I Watch This Crap? – He Named Me Malala

he-named-me-malala-poster

How could anyone have anything negative to say about this documentary on the teenage activist who survived being shot in the head by the Taliban? I mean, everyone MUST like this movie, right?

Well, that’s my problem.

I want to hate a movie. Or at least I want to go into a movie with the option to either love it or hate it, or even just be indifferent about it. When the new Star Wars movie comes out in December, I can still hate it if it’s not good. I may have spent 5 straight years as a child playing with Star Wars action figures everyday but a new Star Wars movie can still suck. Or hey, it could be amazing, whatever, but the point is I have a choice.

With this movie, He Named Me Malala, there is just no way to come out of that movie saying “What a piece of shit!” It’s impossible. So why go then? I get it, it’s an inspiring real life story and I despise everything bad that happened to Malala just as any sane person would. Do I need to sit through a movie just to reinforce those opinions?

Even if this is a terribly made documentary, a person still couldn’t in good conscious criticise anything about it. You’d be an asshole accused of not supporting the education of young muslim girls or something.

When they made a sappy biopic about rapping robbing rapists that made them look like revolutionary political activists, I could dislike that movie for being cheesy and dumb and no one cared. Can I do that with a Malala documentary? If it’s too sappy, I guess I still have to like it because it’s real. That’s not fair.

You’re such a troll… slam, push, punch… I’m a troll? Well, if a troll only puts something out there to intentionally get an angry response, what do you call someone who makes a movie that can only elicit a positive response? A nega-troll?

Maybe just a good personscuffle, wrestle, slam… Will someone please get rid of this guy?! Look, if you want me to see your crappy movie then you better not be trying to manipulate me into liking it before I’ve even stepped into the theatre. Or guess what? I’m not going!

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