At Dr. Loser we’re dedicated to watching all the cool TV shows this new fall season, while those of you who think you have “better things to do” can feel free to come here the next day and keep yourselves updated with what’s really important.
This week we’re looking at last night’s new episode of Scream Queens!
Why you should Watch Scream Queens: C’mon, what else are you going to watch? The Voice? Would you really rather watch bunch of has-been singers choose which ugly person does the best job of turning pop classics into ridiculously over-exaggerated show-tunes over actual super-good looking people turning horror movie cliches into insanely ultra-campy TV comedy gold?
And while we’re on the topic of what people say, if you want the snappiest and most x-rated dialogue this side of a banner ad on YouPorn, then cover your pre-teen kid’s ears and turn up the volume. I haven’t heard this much coded explicit language since Howard Stern used to try to squirm through anal sex questions during his last couple of years on terrestrial radio.
Shaved box, Eiffel Tower, Pig-Roasted, Gashes, Blumpkins! I think George Carlin forgot a few things on that famous list of 7 words you can’t say on TV.
What Scream Queens is All About: A sorority helmed by a group of ultra-Mean Girls are forced to open their doors to anyone who wants to pledge, and thus all the hot rich girls decide to leave when they see all the ugos who join up. This prompts house leader Chanel #1 to stage a fake murder of “White Mammy”, her housemaid/slave in hopes of scaring off the collection of losers (which includes a Candle Vlogger and Deaf Taylor Swift), except someone sabotages the plan and Chanel actually kills the maid by shoving her face into a deep-fryer. Now she needs all these ‘gross’ loser girls to stay in the sorority and help her cover up the crime. Turns out a real serial killer is killing people on campus as some kind of revenge against that sorority because 20 years ago a girl died there after giving birth in a bathtub but no one wanted to help her while ‘Waterfalls’ by TLC was playing at their party. Did I mention this is a comedy?
What happened this week that you need to know about: One of the original blonde sorority mean girls who always wears earmuffs said this a lesbian asian with a ‘Samantha Ronson’ look that she liked but who got to close to her – “OMG are you hitting on me? Because I heard munching box is what killed Michael Douglas.”
Then a film teacher screened what he considered “the greatest movie of all time” The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in it’s entirety on the first day of class, and summed up the ending thus – “Aren’t we all running from the chainsaw in our past?”
Then throughout the rest of the episode, the Red Devil killer stalking the campus goes about killing with a chainsaw. Including the Ice Cream Cone mascot Coney:
And this unlucky frat boy!
So yeah… obviously what I’m trying to say here is that Scream Queens is easily the greatest thing on TV at the moment. It’s like Hannibal meets Spartacus vs. Gossip Girl + Delocated. Except, next week the new American Horror Story season starts from these very same producers! It’s a good time to be alive… or on the verge of a chainsaw-ing!