There Might Be Some Kind of Minuscule Amounts of Water-Like Stuff on Mars… Maybe

Huge news out of NASA today… just kidding!

At this point, NASA is about as close to making any kind of awe-inspiring discovery as say the Labour Day Telethon had of curing Muscular Dystrophy. If you’re excited by the potential of old water streams on the surface of Mars then I’m guessing you go crazy when the mail arrives or the sun rises.

And what If the aliens one day just show up in the sky and take over, like they do in all the movies? NASA is going to feel pretty dumb for wasting all this time and money hoping to find micro-organisms deep in the dry soil of Mars, aren’t they?

Those NASA dudes really gotta be jealous of someone like that Columbus. I mean, he just got on a boat, sailed into the unknown and when he got there the place had land just like his and strange new peoples. If he had to spend 100 years researching microscopic organisms in a lab he’d probably have decided to sail right off the edge of the earth just out of boredom.

Apparently, doctoral candidate Lujendra Ojha co-authored the paper detailing this new info when he was an undergrad. Thanks for setting that bar asshole, some of us tried to get that doctorate by writing a shitty novel. Still gotta think this dude’s got more chance of finding life on Mars than any of the Creative Writing PhD novels have a chance of finding readers. Hey-O!

Anyways, he’s to hoping they discover some tiny bug or something beneath the surface of Mars so we can stomp on that shit, because you know, we all love fucking germs and insects. If there are flies up in space like the one buzzing around my coffee at Starbucks right now, then that shit is getting swatted.

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