What’s the deal with Cyber Monday?

What is it with Cyber Monday? Wouldn’t it make more sense to it to be Cyber Sunday? At least for the alliteration. Stores are all open on Sunday nowadays, so why wait until Monday? But if it has to be on Monday (for whatever reason) then why not Money Monday or More-off Monday, just for the rhyme.

And what is ‘Cyber’ anyways? Doesn’t that sound too 90s? Since when does anyone use the word ‘cyber’ to describe anything online or digital in 2014? Why not Monlineday? Now, that would be something!

While we’re at it, what’s the deal with Monday? What is a “Mon” exactly? Is it supposed to be “moon”, then why not just Moon-day? Or, here’s a crazy thought, since it is the first day of the week, why not First-day?

And what’s with all these questions? Do you ever wonder why we ask so many questions? Shouldn’t we just give declarative statements all the time? Instead of asking “What time will you be there?” just say, “I’ll be there at 9” and let the other person then tell you when they’re coming. Seems like that would save a lot of time.

Speaking of time, I don’t even like that concept. Time is too constrictive. Everything we do is measured in time – seconds, days, years – early is young, late is old – we don’t need to follow this dictatorship. I propose using feelings instead of time, for example: I feel tired, I feel hungry, I feel like working, I feel like running, I feel like shopping… on a Monday… online… or do I? Was that a question?

Was that? I don’t feel like answering… or do I? There is no Cyber Monday. You’re all being fooled. There are no deals. Don’t type in those credit card numbers. Do they have your numbers already? Oh no, don’t make me ask that. I don’t want them to see. They’re watching me. From the moon. Wait… no…

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