If you’ve ever played Angry Birds then you’ll understand why I’ve cracked two windows in the past few years after tossing my iPad like a frustration frisbee. The physics engine behind the game sure seems to digitally interpret gravity perfectly, so much so that it even translates the unexplained way some things will just fall randomly left or right when they are knocked over.
Recently, I’ve made it my personal quest to obtain the world’s highest score on at least 1 level of Angry Birds Star Wars. Although I have yet to breakthrough on one of those elusive, near impossible, scores listed on the Angry Birds Nest website, I have gotten extremely close and it’s only a matter of time. However, as I inch towards that goal I have had to partake in some very unusual practices. The following are the new Dr. Loser tested and true methods for definitely improving your Angry Birds scores.
Playing Upside Down – the whole point of the game is shoot these cartoon bird characters in a slingshot, arching them ever so precisely into tight little places to knock over obstacles and kill pigs. Getting that arch perfect takes incredible patience and a sophisticated eye for geometry that, well, some normals like me just don’t have – and thus it takes forever to repeat each shot over and over.
A nice trick I found though is turning the device upside down. This way you don’t have to focus on the real physics behind the shot and you can relax and play it like a game should be played. As an added bonus, the curve the Angry Bird makes also looks just like a smile: it can really brighten up your day!
Stranger Player – I’ve mentioned before, sometimes I get stuck on a level for hours, but then if I put the device down and come back to it a few hours later, amazingly I can then clear the level or gain a higher score right away.
In order to fabricate this phenomenon, I started to just ask perfect strangers to play a tricky level for me. I’ve found that either they’ve never played the game before or have some experience but it’s unlikely that they’ve tried this specific level, and somehow their beginners luck makes them get a higher score than whatever I’m getting at the moment. I don’t want them to actually really do it for me so before the score scrolls up on the screen I tear the device out of their hands so that I can still claim that technically I was the one holding it when the score registered.
Praying – this is going to sound crazy but I have found that praying actually helps me to get higher and higher scores. Of course, I don’t pray to any of the old gods, instead I created one of my own, the god of Angry Birds, a deity I call Angor.
I imagine Angor as a huge platinum mishmash of all the Angry Birds characters sitting on a throne made out of pig skulls. Then I hold my iPod or iPad up to my forehead and repeat a small little prayer that goes something like:
“Oh greatest of birds, angriest of flyers, Angor, Angor
put the fire in my finger, finger
grant me the highest of scores, for you are the highest of lords, Angor, Angor!”
Works every time!
Since there can be no real debate on this issue, and you’ll just have to try these methods out for yourself to see that I’m right, thus I have turned off the comments on this post.