Angry Birds Can Go to Hell

The following is a completely unadulterated transcript of the insane rambling I wrote down in my note pad as I had a mental breakdown in a coffee shop the other day while trying to simply just get 3 stars on a level of Angry Birds Star Wars:


Good lord I fucking can’t take it anymore, I have lost it, seriously lost it… what am I doing with my life? I have so many better things I could be doing with my time, my life. This is fucking hard, it’s the same thing over and over, I just can’t get the fucking angle, its the same every time, but not the same, different every time, I’m pulling the angle just slightly off and hitting the laser at the wrong ricochet, I mean I don’t even know how to explain it, and every fucking time it’s different… pause restart pause restart… a million times now, I’m just filled with such rage, it’s fucking ridiculous… I’m shaking… every person walking into this coffee shop and walking near me makes me want to break this fucking iPad on their head, and it’s a first generation iPad too, so it’s big and heavy, and slow too, so fucking slow… when I try to use it to watch the video of how to complete this level properly, it’s not even cheating I don’t even care, I have to restart the whole game all over again from the beginning, it’s so slow, and I think I remember the angle anyways, I was already doing that same fucking angle, it just doesn’t land like it does in that video… I just can’t get it… again! It’s wrong, the second I shoot the fucking bird I know it’s wrong, over and over, I’m fucking losing it, what a fucking piece of shit fucking game… How could they make a level like this? It’s fucking impossible, how are the other levels easy enough, but his one, good fucking god… I’m thinking with each attempt, this is it, this had to be it, my face is tightening up… I want to just throw something! I’m not doing anything wrong. Now I’m scrawling this note like a mental patient in the coffee shop, everyone must think I’ve gone out of my mind, so embarrassing, I’m just writing and writing, and I don’t want anyone to see what I’m doing so I try to cover up my paper like it’s a test in junior high school, like anyone cares… how did I get it wrong again… and again!

Holy fuck I got it… holy fuck I got it… holy fuck I got it… feels like shit, like I just wasted hours and hours pressing the same button over and over… what the fuck was the point… 3 stars? Not even a high score, just three stars… that’s it, it’s unbelievable! I want to just list the things I should be doing with this time… one of them is learning Korean, how can I have lived in Korea for about 10 years and can’t speak any Korean? How can I have spent this much time doing this but not that? Speaking Korean is useful here, this… doing this, getting this 3 stars on a fucking level means absolutely nothing… nothing! What kind of a life is this… I should never play this game again, never… but I look at the fucking screen and there are still a few levels without 3 stars, those damn 3 stars, how can I just leave it incomplete like that? But how can I play it again after this? How can I choose? I can’t even decided that I should do, play or not play… this is insane! Incredibly insane!

The worst part is that I did go back and torture myself my trying to achieve 3-stars on the remaining levels. And then when I went back to try to match up this rant to the actual level that inspired it, I couldn’t even remember which one it was! All that for a level I don’t even remember. Seriously, what the hell?!


Stop staring at me like that!

My quest was to push myself to get one of the highest scores in the world on any level, and that’s AFTER simply just getting 3-stars on them all, that’s just basic shit. How on earth will that ever be possible? What a waste of time!

5 thoughts on “Angry Birds Can Go to Hell

  1. hahaha… knew you were a loser thats what Ive been trying to tell peoeple all this time!

    nice that you lose it a week after calling me out as a troll, haha whatever, look at you!

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