Well… I was all prepared to come here today and announce the end of the Dr. Loser blog experiment. I’d had enough. Sure, it was fun at first but keeping up with it was grinding me down. Lately I was just so disappointed by the progress of those 4 Quests of a Directionless Loser that I set up for myself here on the blog, and then I was putting in so much effort on my innovative Live Novel-ing concept and that seemed to be getting me nowhere. What was I doing with my life? Then last week I couldn’t even write a new entry, so I just put up some photos and re-blogged past posts. I really felt like I had nothing to say anymore. I’d set myself up to try some incredibly hard tasks, and just like that damn PhD I was failing all over again. So fuck it, I thought, do I really need to be even more of a loser? End this crap and move on. Cash out, trash your stuff, erase the blog, move away and start over somewhere new. I was ready to say goodbye to all my followers and friends, and truly graduate to become the Dr. Loser this miserable world deserves.
And then something amazing happened.
I don’t know how to say it, because I know how cheesy it’s going to sound, but here it goes… I fell in love.
That’s right, I said it – love.
I’m fully 100% super in love. And all of a sudden everything else has come into perspective.
Without naming any names, I’ll just say that she’s a reader of this blog (and if you’ve checked out any of the comments on some of these posts, you might know who I’m talking about…) and she’s changed my life forever! If you follow me on Instagram (check the widget) you’ll see the fantastic foods we had on our date last weekend. Oh, what a wonderful world! Even taking pictures of stupid food is making me happy now.
With her in my life, I finally wake up happy everyday. Success and failure will come and go but love is what life really is all about. Everything looks different to me now, the sun in the sky on a gorgeous summer day, or the rain falling in Seoul today that made me go outside and spin around shirtless just to let that water wash over me. But what I especially see in a new light are my hobbies – my writing and my quests – it makes sense to me now, and I love it all!
I love watching TV. This doesn’t have to be a form of penance anymore, a way to loser-ly wallow away in an alternate reality so I don’t have to deal with the pathetic-ness of my own. I love TV and there doesn’t have to be rules involved, I don’t need to prove anything by watching until my eyes bleed, and I certainly don’t need to judge others by what they like or how they want to watch things. It’s all good.
And to commemorate this sweet sensation, I’m resurrecting JOSH-TACY… the film festival of watching ecstasy that I used to program myself and watch (mostly) alone in the basement. But I loved it and can do that again by mixing up all of the things I want to see and have a celebration of watching the likes no one named Josh has ever done before!
I love playing Angry Birds. Even the hard parts are fun in a weird way. I just need to stop killing myself whenever I’m frustratingly stuck on a level, like the way it got out of hand in my quest to earn one of the highest scores in the world in Angry Birds Star Wars. I don’t need to see my name beside some number to validate my love of this game.
And thankfully there is always more to play! Before I abandoned this Angry Birds Star Wars scoring attempt, I still had 5 levels left in the final area. So I’m going to set aside a few hours and just drink in those levels with unabashed glee. With no pressure over scores, I’ll give myself a maximum of 5 tries on each level and if I still can’t pass it, I’ll just move on with peace and love and come back another day.
I love listening to music. Specifically, I’m a fan of full albums. The old school way I’d be forced to listen to both sides of my cassette tapes are some of the best music memories I have. Obviously, if you’ve been reading these posts the past few weeks you’ll have noticed that I got very obsessed with devising a system for ranking my top 30 albums of all time, so much so that I almost hated myself and everyone in the universe for trying to force me to do something so damn difficult.
Well, I don’t think it has to be that anywhere near that tough. These are albums that I love, I should be allowed to just go with my gut, there is no right or wrong here, just good music. And if I want to make a change to the ranking later I will. I know now, after having re-listened to so many of the most awesomest albums ever in the past couple of months, that I can explain exactly why I love them in the simplest of terms.
And finally, the training video I was planning to do… I definitely DON’T love exercising, of this there can be no argument. I like it, but I don’t love it. What do I love though… maybe the most out of all things on this list… get ready for it… is writing!
As much as I have hated writing during those 8 years stuck on that PhD, the past few months of Live Novel-ing have shown me exactly what I do love about writing. The wacky spontaneity of crafting impromptu action scenes day after day in some of my favourite and most ridiculous genres has just been too much fun. And so I’ve come up with a way to express that love and conclude the Live Novel-ing while presenting a training video montage all at the same time. It’s going to be mind-blowing, so stay tuned!
But speaking of the Live Novel-ing, I’m not the only one who’s found love out there… the main character of my story, just this morning also fell crazily in love. So much so that it may very well change everything he thinks he knows about The Incredible Insane Challenge.
For those who are new to this blog,in my novel – The Incredible Insane Challenge – one young boy must grow up in a crazy world where he battles his way to his 18th birthday in order save the universe and win glorious prizes. He can die at anytime during this quest and be born again to start all over, but he only has 100 lives and right now he’s on his 98th.
Starting from the moment he exits the womb, this boy must complete one specific and daunting task every year. And everyday I freewrite about his exploits in one of those years, and then revise it down to a concise, one-page short story.
The task I wrote about today was “Turn the un-coolest girl in school into the prom queen.” Usually he approaches these tasks with a steely determination and carefree wit, knowing that the stakes are too high to worry about just one of these lives or tasks. But there was something to this Nerdy Nancy that just made him forget all the pressure and stress of his goal, and now he might have found something that actually means more to him than this challenge – damn the rules and consequences, he’s in love!
There’s only one more week left of Live Novel-ing, so check it out if you get the chance. All you need to do is click on the G+ Widget on my site, or email me and I’ll share the Google Drive folder with you: firstname.lastname@example.org
If you can’t catch me while I’m writing / revising / editing, be sure to read check out the ‘Finished Pages’ folder in Google Drive while it’s still available. That’s some good stuff, if I do say so myself.
Now… I know how this all sounds, with the love and all that. And hey, I’m the first one to criticise stuff like The Fifth Element, The Matrix, Lost or even Rock ’N Rule, for ending their stories by making love the answer to everything.
However, life is love. I’m sorry, but that’s how this one is going to have to end too!